Jesus was a streaker...he had super hairy balls.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm here. And this is what is happening.
I'm sitting on my couch, watching Sex In the City, drinking the last of my whiskey, smoking a cig, and screening my calls like its my job. Screening because the woman who lives above me has become strangely obsessed with me. And obsessed with telling me about Jesus and blessing me with God's love. I listen to her scream at her husband every Jesus lovin night, and then she comes down in the morning to tell me how great she feels, how's she high on God's love, and how Jesus is telling her to do things. She has also gave my numebr to her friends, so they can call here if she's not in her apartment. Um Helloo????
This leads me to question, what's the difference between God and the voices in your head that seem to be left over form a few to many acid trips? God=Drugs.
May I add, that this is the same woman who a week before told me of her secret childhood, and pretty much blew my mind away with truth, truth could paralyze a young child. She immediatly followed that conversation with words that made me feel like a failure because I lived alone and I was single. I truley believe that most people would rather be in an unhealthy relationship than no relationship at all. This woman screams at her drunk husband everynight but there was a sweaty fear in her voice when she warmly refered to my "lonely, scarey life".
In real real real reality I am not lonely nor am I scared. She is, however, insane. Listen to the heavy breathing she leaves on my answering machine if you don't believe me. People love me. This is a fact I have come to accept, but its a curse sometimes. I weird, old, tatooed. jesus loving, repeat calling, scarey curse.
So thats my story.
Somebody call me thats not her. Please.

Second Salsa Off

All the salsas
Originally uploaded by kylewriter

We held a Salsa Off at the brand-new apartment this past weekend. We had ten entrees in all, with ingredients ranging from pears to pickles, presentation styles ranging from sunflowers to starfish, and ethics ranging from completely home-grown to completely store-bought.

In the end, we had a tie: Jesse and Jessica, each with their own salsas, shared the crown. Jesse, not being one to make decisions, ceded the prize of choosing the subject of the next cook-off to Jessica, who surprised everyone by choosing a "Noodle Off."

If you're interested in the Noodle Off, you'll have to be in the Poultney area sometime around the end of September. Details to come.

In the meantime, check out all the photos of the second Salsa Off. Enjoy!

And we're married!

And we're married!
Originally uploaded by kylewriter.

On April 20, 2007, our four year anniversary, Dawn and I were married by the one and only Rev. Kimmy Korona underneath the tree where the two of us first met.

Sumer updates in the house!!!

I am officially a Dorset Bitch. Write that down.

I haven't updated in about 98798437 days, so I figure now's as good a time as any.
I need to point out here that I've joined a cult. Theater people are, in my opinion, completely insane, but there is a lure to be around people that make me look like a normal person. Whatever that means.
I run around all day looking like I know what I'm doing, but I have absolutely no clue in hell what I'm actually here for. Actually, I don't think many people know. What the fuck, company manager???

The first cast was the freakin shit. I totally fell in love with a man who is older than my dad. He was smooth and I was weeeeeeeaaaaaak. No surpise there, fucking actors.That's when I knew...I knew. I knew that I was going crazy just like the rest of them.
And thats totally fine with me.

CALFers Get Rewarded

(Some of you may have seen this on Fluid Imagination already, but some of you also may have not, so I'm reposting it here)

Sunday was Green Mountain College's annual Honors Tea. It's the day when all the hippies put on their finest duds and receive awards and certificates for various academic and community-service achievements. Of the crew that I hang out with up here, four of us received awards.

First, Alex Hunley received the award for Outstanding Philosophy Student. Alex has taken almost every philosophy course offered at the college, and several independent studies in philosophy besides, but even more than that, the kid lives and breathes philosophy. If he could, he would pour butter onto the thighs of Wittgenstein and dip his bread in it.

Alex also won the Marsh Prize for his paper on (I think) progressive education and the general Green Mountain College curriculum. The Marsh Prize comes with a hundred-dollar check, too, so if you're at the pub and looking for someone to spot you a few, look around for the man who swears he could be a rock star, if only he had musical talent.

Second, Will (B.J.) Shoemaker received the award for Outstanding Communications Student. Will edited the Mountaineer, the campus newspaper, for a large portion of his college career. He's also worked as the student worker in the communications office, helping put out the college's weekly journal and quarterly bulletin. I think I once saw him masturbate to the table of contents in the New Yorker.

Third, the amazing Dawn Sarli took home the award for Outstanding Literature Student. When we started the Creative Arts Living Floor, one of the questions on the application was "What kinds of art do you practice?" Dawn answered, "Reading." As the chairperson of the English department said, "You've never studied literature until you've studied literature with Dawn." Outside of the wine and dinners you'll receive when you attend any of her independent study meetings, you'll also find yourself the grateful recipient of an interesting, insightful, and at the same time, totally unexpected reading of whatever text Dawn happens to be engaging. After dinner, you'll receive, well...we don't need to go into that.

Dawn also won a community service award for her work organizing the campus' Feminist Fair about a month ago. The Dean of Student Life told the audience that the FemFair was one of the most successful events that she had seen in her entire career as Dean of Student Life (sure, she's only been in that position for a year, but still). There were representatives and presentations from a large portion of the clubs on campus, as well as representatives and presentations from women's organizations around the state. Several feminist artisans displayed and sold their wares. And one woman had sex with a donkey to celebrate the beauty of choice.

Lastly, yours truly was awarded the Outstanding Writing Student award. One of my professors said some really nice things about me, and it was really good to hear. That was why, in the middle of it, I spit on my hand.

All in all, it was a good day here at Green Mountain College.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays everybody! You are all in my thoughts today. I hope each of you are having a wonderful time with your families and friends, and that Santa was very good to you. Love ya!

The audience will think that the hot babe is a normal babe, but, yeah right, she's a ninja.

My post will be brief, but very important, so read this shit like it's fucking Darida in your room about to rape you with mind bullets.

Fellow Calfers I have three facts for you tonight.

1.) Noah is creepy mo-fo and hugging him is more awkward than....I can't even think of something, just know it's not a happy place. Nuff said.

2.) While hanging out with Noah tonight, he said, and I quote, that Will is "kinda dumb."

3.) My 21st birthday is next weekend and it's gonna be off the hizzie. Dawn and I have made the plans, the party is invitation only. If you don't get an invatation then you are not allowed to come and you're family doesn't love you. I don't know how to make it any clearer than that.

I'm out
peace.