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CALF Member Gets Arrested

ANCHORAGE - Angela Szarenski was arrested today by the Anchorage Police Department for driving an automobile without insurance. Szarenski is reputed to be the local leader of the what police are calling, "The CALF Gang."

"We're not quite sure what CALF is," said Sgt. Musclebound, "But we've heard about it from our fellow officers in the lower 48. Rumor has it that there is a contingent in California, in Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Martha's Vineyard, and a few other places. We're pretty sure their headquarters is in Vermont, but that has not been confirmed."

An investigation into Szarenski's travel over the last six months shows that she has indeed traveled from Anchorage to Michigan to Vermont, and then back to Michigan before returning to Anchorage. The airlines are confirming that she already has tickets to fly back to Vermont in the next couple of weeks.

"We're not confirming that Szarenski is a member of CALF," Musclebound said, "but her movement over the past year has raised a few eyebrows among my officers."

Szarenski is only 20 years old, but sources inside CALF tell the Anchorage News that most of its members are under the age of 22.

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, one CALF member confirmed Szarenski's status as a leading figure in the gang, "Of course Ginie is one of the core members. She came late, after the creation of the whole thing, like she weren't no founder or nothing, but she's such a freakin' ball of personality that there weren't no way she wasn't gonna be part of the inner circle. Titties."

Szarenski's court date is set for mid May, but our sources tell us that she plans to leave the state before that date.

"Shit yeah, Ginie's a flight risk. She knows that if she went to prison, those hard-assed bitches would be brunksying her thack faster than you can say 'run peems run.'"

This is Szarenski's first offense.