Former CALF-er chooses fun over tun (dra)

One of two students from Alaska Pacific University, who spent last fall semester at Green Mountain College through the Eco-League exchange program, has announced that she will return to Green Mountain College as a degree-seeking student this Fall 2005 semester.

Angela Szarenski of Peck, Mich. made the decision upon realizing that she wants to study art and secondary education, two fields of study not offered at APU. "I learned a lot from Dick Weis while I was at Green Mountain," Szarenski said. "Even though he was a bit crazy, he's a really good teacher. And I haven't even taken anything from Richard Weinstein yet."

Szarenski also explained that since living on the Creative Arts Living Floor, none of her other living environments have measured up. This, coupled with the fact that many of her former friends have entered committed relationships since she left for Vermont, leaves Szarenski with only one reasonable option: head back to the CALF.

Following the completion of her sophomore year this May, the budding CALF-er will fly back to Vermont for a brief visit with her newfound community. She will stay until May 6th, when she will be returning to Peck, Mich. with her friend Will Shoemaker, who will be taking up employment at the Midland Daily News for the summer, about two hours away from Peck. "I can't wait to see everyone back on CALF," Szarenski said. "Sometimes I remember how Alex would say 'PIMES PIMES' every time I walked in the room, and I miss that place so much...I am going to watch SO MUCH Family Guy with Margo."

The 20-year-old transfer student also made a stunning revelation about her personal life: after taking an "Intimacy, Relationships, and Sexuality" class this semester at Alaska Pacific University, she now considers anal sex "a possibility--maybe--at some point, if I met the right person"--a major moral development for someone who only months ago cringed at any mention of the word "anal."

Szarenski also announced her intention to meet up with the infamous "Brett," a former APU student who wooed her when she traveled to Vermont last year, and who now resides in his hometown of F-Diddy, Vermont.

The transition from Alaska to Vermont will be an exciting one for Szarenski, who has spent the past months in the throes of a bizarre and disconcerting depression, after apparently having her reality deconstructed last semester by the many officious members of her community. Now, however, she appears to have salvaged an outlook that might serve her well in leaving Alaska: "When I get sad, I just watch Friends," she said, wiping a small stream of drool from her chin and turning back to the television.